Parenting

What to do when your child gets frustrated at tennis

Updated 6 October 2026 · RallySteps

Frustration is a normal part of learning tennis, and young players often show it with tears, a thrown racket or wanting to stop. Stay calm, take a short pause, then make the next try a little easier so your child succeeds again. Afterwards, praise effort rather than results, and talk about what happened once everyone has calmed down.

Is it normal to get frustrated at tennis?

Yes. Tennis is hard to learn: the ball keeps moving, and every miss is obvious. A USTA article for tennis parents describes frustration as normal in players who care, and the ITF notes that young players may cry or get upset when they lose, as part of learning about winning and losing.

So the aim is not to stop the feeling. It is to help your child get back to playing, and to learn over time that a missed shot is part of the game.

Why do young players get frustrated?

The task is too hard. The ITF notes that children who start with a yellow ball often lose interest: it bounces over their heads, rallies are short and they spend most of their time picking up balls. The right ball, court and racket for their stage make success far more likely. See red, orange and green ball tennis explained and what size racket your child needs.
Too much focus on the result. When winning is the only measure, every miss feels like failure. The ITF asks adults to put effort and improvement above results.
Worry about letting adults down. In a study of junior tennis players, players said they feared their parents' anger after a poor match.
They are tired, hungry or done. Sometimes it is that simple. Short sessions at a good time of day avoid a lot of it. See how much a young child should practise.

What should I do in the moment?

Stay calm yourself. The USTA suggests parents show how to handle frustration, for example with a deep breath and a calm voice, rather than getting cross too.
Pause, briefly. A sip of water and a few breaths is often enough. Keep your words few.
Acknowledge it. "That was annoying, wasn't it?" works better in the moment than "Calm down" or a technique tip.
Make the next try easier. Step closer, feed more slowly, or switch to a catching version of the game. A quick success helps your child get back into it.
End on a good note. If it is not getting better, finish with a favourite easy game and stop for the day.

Throwing a racket or hitting balls away in anger needs a clear rule, agreed calmly beforehand rather than in the heat of the moment. The USTA suggests setting expectations and consequences together with your child's coach, and staying calm when you apply them.

How do I teach a reset routine?

Many players use a short routine between points to let go of the last one. The USTA recommends the same idea for children: a deep breath, a small ritual and a focus on what they can control next. For a 5 to 10 year old, keep it to three steps that take a few seconds:

Turn away from the net and look at the strings.
Take one big breath, in through the nose and out through the mouth.
Say a cue word for the next shot, such as "watch" or "feet".

Practise it at home when things are going well, so it is familiar when it is needed. A reset before every new try at a record is an easy way to build it in.

What should I say afterwards?

Wait until everyone is calm, which may be later that day. The USTA suggests talking about what set off the frustration in a safe, calm moment, then working on that skill in practice.

Praise effort, not talent or the result. In a well-known series of experiments with 10 to 12 year olds, children praised for their effort kept trying longer, enjoyed the task more and did better after a setback than children praised for being clever. The ITF gives the same advice for tennis: say well done for effort, a shot learnt in lessons or consistency, not only for a win.

Try saying	Rather than
"You kept going even when it was hard."	"You're a natural."
"What was the trickiest part?"	"Why did you keep missing?"
"How did you play?"	"Did you win?"
"Shall we practise that one tomorrow?"	"You need to fix your backhand."

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry puts it simply for parents: success is not the same as winning, and failure is not the same as losing.

What if they want to quit?

One bad session is not a decision. If your child keeps saying they want to stop, the American Academy of Pediatrics suggests listening to their reasons and talking them through before deciding together. Depending on the reason, it may help to try shorter sessions, play with a friend, change group, or take a break from matches while they enjoy playing again.

Talk to your child's coach as well, since they see your child in a different setting. For match days, see your child's first tennis tournament. If worry or frustration is affecting your child well beyond tennis, at school or at home, talk to your doctor.

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This guide is general information for parents, not medical advice. Check with your child's coach or doctor about their own situation.